changes

Last week, while browsing through my archive of songs, I stumbled upon some files I've kept from my old laptop. One file in particular was labelled 'letters I love', which was were I saved some emails or blog entries addressed to me. Most of them were from when I had just moved to Singapore. At the time it seemed like such a bold move, to leave the Philippines and start on a job abroad, away from family. But it was worth it. :) As one of my mottos goes: Omnia in bonum - all things for the good!

Anyway, one post from my dear friend Crazy stood out and it's about, you guessed it, change. And I thought I'd share with you his wonderful insight:

Change is a beautiful thing. Whichever way I look at it, change, for me, is always good. Even if it means losing the things I am used to and which are endeared to me by time, or simply losing my way to a new block looking for the only store that sells ready-made guacamoles in the neighborhood. Change is sunshine. Change is a vanilla Lady Borden ice cream waiting for me in the fridge. I look up to and yield to it in interesting amounts of anticipation and yearning all the time.

Don’t you think that change is just a matter of feelings? It’s pretty much like happiness, loneliness, bitterness and all these shits I try to write about. You feel it at one particular moment. Later on, it diminishes subtly into other forms of feelings. Nostalgia is one direct destination of change, which I also love in equal amount.

So imagine if you don’t like change. That’s stranger than fiction. We just can’t remain with things we are used to all the time. At innumerable points, we have to become memories, and the what-used-to has to crystallize into the ambers of the past. Move along, move along, one song says. If you feel change is too strong for your nerves, then imagine your present without it. Would you not feel hollow and senseless?

But for you, Crazy, try to live for change. Look for it all the time. If you are afraid of it, then why not go ahead of it? Change before change changes you. Things are easier when you find change first than when it finds you. Anyway, no matter which part of the world you wake up, things are practically the same: same sun, same moon, same constellation, same Peppermint Mocha Twist in Starbucks, same taste of Coca-Cola, etcetera, etcetera. The only thing that makes Singapore different from Manila or Tokyo or New York is-- what else but--- change.

Crazy with the yellow balloons, and us in the background (2006)

Crazy sure delivers the most profound words sometimes, one of the many traits I admire about him. :)

Crazy knew me well. I guess he knew how I sometimes hold back from embracing change. Depending on the circumstance, I sometimes agree with this quote from You've Got Mail:

People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all they are really saying is that something that you didn't want to happen at all... has happened.

But over time I learned to appreciate change. Since this letter, there has already been a thousand and one changes. And thinking about them makes me relate to my fave Smashing Pumpkins song: you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth... the more you change the less you feel.

I'm not sure if I should be happy about 'feeling less' but I'm definitely thankful for the changes, even if at times I was dead scared for being out of my comfort zone. Those changes in particular, the ones I chose for myself even when I knew I'd be miserable, were the ones that paved the way for great great opportunities.

And at the end of it all I can only say, yep, omnia in bonum indeed! :)